The Trauma Triangle for People in Helping Relationships

The drama triangle as coined by Stephen B. Karpman or now known as the "trauma triangle" is a helpful way to frame unhealthy relationships where trauma is present.

In this dynamic we find ourselves playing one of three roles with the traumatized person.

1) The rescuer or "savior" - saving the person from their trauma.

2) The perpetrator or "bad guy" - hurting the person.

3) The “victim” - being taken advantage of or being hurt by them.

For example, let's say I have a relationship with someone who has experienced trauma. At first I may start out in the "savior" role, stopping what I'm doing at any moment to help the person. As I continue to do this, I may relinquish my boundaries, become frustrated and tired and now turning into the "victim." If I instead choose to stand up for myself by setting a boundary, the person may get angry and now I am the "bad guy" hurting them.

This dynamic appears a lot for people in helping professions - like teachers, rabbis, medical professionals, therapists etc.

For the "helpers" out there, it is important to remember the difference between supporting someone and "saving" them. We can support someone with appropriate boundaries without needing to save them from their particular situation. This may take some acknowledging of our own trauma that is pulling us to save them.

When we notice that we are in a "trauma triangle" it is a reminder to reinforce our healthy boundaries and maintain the appropriate "role" for the situation we are in.

For my helping professionals does any of this resonate with you?


Mendel Toron, LCSW, CCTP, EMDR is a licensed therapist in Aventura, Florida specializing in EMDR and trauma therapy for adults and teens. To book a free consultation click on the link below.