Honest Empathy

Honest empathy means that I will first seek to understand your perspective before trying to put myself in your shoes.

Honest empathy says although I cannot begin to know what you went through, I will try to understand it as the separate human being that I am.

I will not put myself in your shoes. Instead, I will aim to understand your experience first from the perspectives you share.

Many times we operate from false empathy. We attempt to put ourselves in the other's shoes, before factoring in that we have a completely different lived experience. 

What we need is honest empathy. An understanding that I am separate from you. My life experience is different from yours. I cannot know or judge you because I have not lived your life. Instead I can seek curiosity in what I don't know. I can learn that others see the world differently from myself and find wisdom in this.

I believe this is what it means to love another equally. One is not superior or less than you because of who they are or what they accomplished. Their lived experience may not have had the same challenges or opportunities. I can only aim to find compassion, move away from judgment, and towards connection.

Mendel Toron, LCSW, CCTP, EMDR is a licensed therapist in Aventura, Florida specializing in EMDR and trauma therapy for adults and teens.