Where does “people pleasing” come from?

Where does “people pleasing” come from?

People pleasing is a survival skill sourced in early childhood, where to be loved we needed to please the adults in our life. 

In childhood, this was helpful, it gave us the love and validation we needed. However, in the long term, people pleasing teaches us to neglect our core self to please the needs of others

People pleasers over time distance themselves from their core self and unconsciously repress their anger to make others happy. 

This in turn creates conditional intimate relationships that lack authenticity and vibrancy.

The healing of pleasing people acknowledges our anger and encourages us to turn inward and stand up for our true selves. It means not expecting others (including our children) to please us or make us happy to receive our love and support. 

Healing requires us to connect to who we are and loving ourselves unconditionally for our unique qualities, regardless of others judgment.

Mendel Toron, LCSW is a licensed therapist in private practice in Aventura, Florida. Mendel specializes in trauma therapy using EMDR, IFS, and Somatic Therapy to help individuals heal from trauma. To book a free consultation please click here.