Enmeshment Vs. Healthy Family Relationships
Enmeshment Feels Similar to Love
For many people it can be hard to see the difference between enmeshment and a healthy, loving family relationship. When a person is enmeshed they feel like they are close to their parents and assume this is love. Yet underlying these “close” feelings are contradictory feelings of anxiety and loneliness inherent in the emotionally immature relationship.
The Difference Between Enmeshment and Healthy Family Relationships
Healthy family relationships allow for differentiation and promote differences between family members. In enmeshment certain roles are kept limiting growth of family relationships and attempting to maintain status quo. Children are rewarded for playing into the enmeshment of the family and unintentionally given perks in the name of rewarding “closeness.” This can look like dependency or favoritism when the sibling plays into the family roles. The issue with enmeshment is that it is a superficial way of connecting that leaves people without their core emotional needs being met in the relationship.
Finding Acceptance
It can be hard to admit that this exists in a seemingly happy family and you may even doubt yourself for why you feel this way. A differentiated child in an enmeshed family may feel isolated and that they are the crazy one. The reality is the opposite.
How Do We Move Forward?
The way out is to separate yourself from the roles of your family by acknowledging that growth may need to happen on their end (or could possibly not happen) before you can have a healthy, mature relationship. This may mean finding new ways to relate and forming healthier expectations on what you can expect from them emotionally. This can be painful, but frees you from family roles or expectations that are counterproductive to your growth.
Mendel Toron, LCSW, CCTP, EMDR is an EMDR Certified Therapist and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional helping individual heal and grow in the relationships. Please click here to learn more about Mendel and his work. To schedule a free consultation click on the button below.